How Much Has Anxiety Cost You?
Today, I went to work in order to straighten some things out for the next person. I have to admit that after having that classroom for four years, I feel sad about leaving it. Getting better is a priority, though. Leaving this job did get me thinking about how anxiety has affected my bottom line over the past few years, though.
This isn’t the first time I’ve left a job due to anxiety and panic. I left a very stressful teaching job in Austin for the same reason. That time, the reason was actually the job, as opposed to this time, when the reason seems to be my body still being in a state of nervous exhaustion from my attempt to quit Zoloft and Ativan. At any rate, a job loss is a job loss.
Then there are the medical bills. Before I realized that I had a problem with anxiety that caused myriad physical symptoms, I had several medical tests done. I wore a holtor monitor at least three times in an effort to discover what was causing the heart palpitations. (I finally found out during one ER visit that they are harmless PACs and PVCs. If you ever feel your heart “skip a beat,” that’s what it is.)
I’ve had numerous doctor visits, three of which have taken place this month alone. I see a counselor, and have, on and off, for 20 years.
The big kicker, besides the loss of income from teaching, is the emergency room visits. My husband refers to them as the once a year freakout visits. I go when I have a panic attack that simply won’t stop, or when I’m afraid of the chest pain or palpitations. Even though I (usually) have insurance, the bill is usually about 1000 dollars.
At this point, I figure I have lost $50,000 to anxiety. If I had $50,000 right now, I could pay off my house. There’s no reason to have regrets, though. Perhaps it’s taken $50,000 to learn more about myself and the anxiety. And frankly, if I had to pay $50,000 more to get rid of this stuff, I would.
My day today: So far, so good. My heart is racing, but I chalk it up to PMS. I have pain in my shoulders and chest, but today if it persists, I’m going to take Tylenol and see if it goes away. I don’t feel stressed emotionally, and I’m planning on going to the gym.
